also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im six kinds of drunk right now
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
