I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
