Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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