i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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