the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
