she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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