i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
