careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize