Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
