I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
