You work out of a Hotel?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
