Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
