That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
