mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
