Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
