what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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