Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
