i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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