we have pet lesbian snakes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
