You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
