remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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