If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
