I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
