Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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