we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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