Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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