Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
