Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
