There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize