sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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