Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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