Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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