hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
