dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
