Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
