I don't usually arrange sex via text message
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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