I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
