White coat. Heels.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
