I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
