I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
