how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
