We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
