No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I am one with the molecules
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
