If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
