Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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