the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
