Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dear god my vagina.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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