id be glad to
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
