somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
