I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize