so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
