Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
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