I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
