OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They are going to name an STD after you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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