i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
