I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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