called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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