I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
