Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
