Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
