so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
