If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
