OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
