I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
