I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
