just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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