It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
