She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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