how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
