The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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