I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
