Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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