Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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