Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
