apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
